The death of the “Going Out” post sobriety.

So, my partner and I haven’t really been “going out” for the past, say, 10-11 months? And of course before that it was sporadically due to the pandemic and shutdowns/etc. But I noticed that since I stopped drinking, he only drinks occasionally and socially when we get together with friends on the weekend or go to parties/etc.

All this to say, when you stop drinking, you start to realize how many social events are planned and organized around getting sloshed and bar-hopping. Especially in San Diego! These ideas and concepts used to be a big part of our whole “going out” evening.

As a social butterfly and bar hopper, there are considerations like: “Are we going to pre-game?” “Are we going to take an Uber/Lyft?” “Is there Happy Hour?” And sometimes I really miss the social aspects of Taco Tuesday- but it’s lost its appeal to me, being majorly centered around the drinks and not as much the food lol.

I put so much stress and planning over something that was likely killing many cells in my body, or at least holding them back from healing and flourishing. It became almost like another addiction. The ritual surrounding the “going out,” the drinking time.

So what is there to do beyond mindless drinking and partying? (and I know it’s not all mindless, but for me looking back, it surely feels that way now, as I was disconnecting from my body each time). I have gotten very creative lol, but everyone is different. I enjoy mindful activities way more than I used to, because I am learning to enjoy being with myself, being in the moment, being fully embodied. I like to hang out with people who are sober or sober friendly (i.e. not giving me a hard time for not drinking lol). I like to be in nature, especially the beach and ocean. I love dancing and moving my body, and I feel Way more pleasure in that now than when I was imbibing. When going out to a bar or restaurant, I will occasionally ask for a mocktail, like ginger ale with lime and soda (for a mule) or a virgin piña colada when we are in a tropical setting.

To be honest, I don’t miss going out nearly as much as I used to. I am perfectly happy with how things have evolved, and I feel more in my body and less “numbed out” by the mindless drinking and partying. I feel like I have been given a new lease on life, one where I don’t have to have “sessions” every weekend and try the latest cocktail or brewery. I still have fun hanging out with people who are drinking, and I have made my boundaries clear so they don’t have to feel judged or scrutinized.

So, if you are on a sober journey, or just looking to invite more sober activities in your life, know you are not alone. There are others like you out there, and we also like to have a good time- maybe just in a different way than we used to (or where mainstream society has gone). Also, if you’re looking to have a more healing and embodied experience this weekend, try something spiritual or Tantra-related- maybe even a new moon ritual or women’s circle. I promise you won’t regret it.

Much love and light, wherever you may be on your journey ❤️


Published by Kelly Jett Gawaran- K Tantra

I am a Tantra Counselor and Intuitive Healer in San Diego, California, who helps spiritual and sensitive women go into the deepest layers of their healing so they can live without anxiety and pain. Although I am a Tantrika and Reiki practitioner, one-on-one sessions with me are so much more. It is my belief that we actually don’t need to be fixed, only to remember who we are. So, it’s more of an opening to the wisdom of the universe to tell me what each person needs to remember their divine nature. Some examples I may use during client sessions include: shamanic timeline work, or trapped emotions removal, certain codes or symbols, an upgrade, breathwork, a certain meditation (which is usually extemporaneous), reiki/energy shifting, toning on the chakras. or maybe some tantric movement or sound. It's all in what each soul is asking for, I just hear the message and help guide them to their own wisdom. My absolute favorite is when someone starts to feel and realize their own magic and divine nature! 🥰

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