Back in April 2020, I had COVID, and everything hit me all at once on my 40th birthday. I sat in the bath alone that morning and just cried- for what reason I wasn’t sure. It was getting harder and harder to just smile at my husband (who I was quarantined with) and pretend everything was okay with me.
I’m not sure if it was COVID, or just the collective grief of the world bearing down on me all at once, or both. So, how do you pull yourself out of the darkness, when there is no one there to help because you smile like everything is okay?
I don’t think there is one answer to that question- we are all programmed differently- but I do think the first step for me was realizing I had some healing to do, and I was going to have to be the one to put in the time and do the work. Another person wasn’t the answer, and ignoring it definitely wasn’t the answer.
The next day or two (I can’t remember exactly), a friend and mentor who taught me Reiki in San Diego years back called and we spoke for over an hour. Maybe she knew or maybe she didn’t, but just her calling and speaking to me about how hard things were (for us and in the world) helped me tremendously, and I started to work on myself a little at a time. I used Reiki, both from others and myself, daily healing and grounding exercises, and entrainment to bring joy back into my life. It took months, but I was committed to feeling better, and I could feel improvement every single day. Now I wake up each day with gratitude and joy- and I Know I can handle the worst that life throws at me, because I have worked to heal myself from past trauma. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be bad days, or moments when overwhelming feelings emerge- but it Does mean I know where they are coming from and how to handle them now, because I have Listened to myself and done the inner work necessary to heal.
The key is not exactly what you do though, it’s that you are doing Something to heal. Showing up for yourself and making time for self-love, reflection, meditation. No one else is going to do this for you. You are the answer. You don’t have to spend tons of money and be trained in everything under the sun, you just have to start with YOU. Believe that you Deserve to be happy, healthy, whole. And if you do find you need help beyond yourself to get started, this is okay too, don’t afraid to reach out and ask for it.
Love and light,